Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Barrel Full of Shut The Fuck Up

AWWW, now Bob! You know you can't say gay!
In the days of the internet, one can find just about anything to support a claim. Articles dating back ten, twenty, even fifty years are within a few keystrokes.  So, I'm not surprised that when people make accusations or seek to support a point-of-view, they instantly turn to Google, Yahoo! or Bing, and generally, within the first five pages, find exactly what they are looking for based on their search parameters.

Monday, January 30, 2012

How's That Taste?

Senator Stacey Campfield, Lady in Waiting for The Queen of Bigotdom, got a swift, decisive and, might I say, delicious, taste of what it feels like when you are unfairly discriminated against.  When attempting to sit down to a nice, quiet, post assholery brunch at The Bistro at the Bijou in MY hometown, Knoxville, Tennessee, Campfield's plans where dashed against the rocks of prejudice by the owner, Ms. Martha Boggs, who told him to take his freakshow (not a quote) elsewhere

Following this, an outcry of support among the restaurants Facebook page showed overwhelmingly that Mr. Campfield's brand of ignorance and wing-nut pandering isn't going to get him far in this world.

 For the full story (and the FIRST available online from a news media source) check out The Metropulse.

I'm not one for obvious puns, but Mr. Campfield is stirring up a HUGE pot of trouble, and its going to do nothing but give him heartburn.

UPDATE:  Here's a short video by Michael Patrick of the Knoxville News Sentinal, an interview with Martha Boggs on her motivations behind removal of this douchebag from her establishment.

UPDATE: This story is already making its way around to blogosphere, so check the links below for comments, updates, etc... unless you are just DYING to get them here. :)

From W. Thomas Adkins: Stacey Campfield Denied Service At Knoxville Eatery

From Joe.My.God: Tennessee Cafe Boots Anti-Gay Pol

From Towleroad: TN Senator Stacey Campfield Reportedly Thrown Out of Restaurant Over His Anti-Gay Remarks

From Think Progress: Tennessee Restaurant Throws Out Anti-Gay Lawmaker

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Brightest Crayon In The Shed

Welcome back! Reading a long rant about the idiocy of an elected official can get tiring, even for the person writing it! I had to go stretch my hands... don't ask how.  Now, where was I? Oh yes... ignorance.

Now that I have debunked your sources, lets look at the entire reason you were on Michelangelo Signorile's show: The Don't Say Gay Bill. I figure my best bet at tearing apart your arguments are to examine them one at a time.  Let's begin...

Sharpest Tool In the Crayon Box

The following is an email exchange between my friend Travis and my NON-friend, bigot of the week, Republi-can't Senator of Tennessee, Mrs. Stacey Campfield--wait, what? Its a dude? Oh, my bad... I just assumed because his name was Stacey. Well, there I go. Putting my foot in my mouth. Saying something ignorant because I made a stupid, baseless observation centered around outdated, irrelevant and inaccurate information... Oh well. Moving on--

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Fire, Brimstone and... Please Pass The Nuggets

Everyone knows that fast food is not good for you. I know it. You know it. That fat kid down the street may not know it but his overweight, diabetic mother sure as fuck does. But, does this stop us from eating it? Hell no... I love me a nasty, greasy meal from McDonalds, where I can't even pronounce half the shit that's in whatever the hell it is I'm eating!  That is, until I saw what the McNuggets look like PRE-shaping. If you have not seen this image, I add it for you now...

Yes, I know... It looks like a bubblegum soft-serve intestine, but looks can be deceiving! Its basically a chicken slurry, hundreds of carcasses thrown into a blender and squeezed out like toothpaste. Yeah. It's pretty fucking gross... and THAT, ladies and germs, is what is in a McDonalds chicken product.

So, I ask... why do people still eat this shit? And what's more, why do parents despair so when their children, whom they've feed this garbage for years, end up nearly dead in the hospital from health related issues? Anyone? Anyone?

Take, for instance, this story... A young woman, 17, is admitted to the hospital with breathing complications, and after a series of tests, it is learned she suffers from swollen veins and anemia, caused by... DUN DUN DUN... EATING NOTHING BUT CHICKEN FUCKING NUGGETS FOR NEARLY 15 GOD DAMN YEARS!!! Here's the full story... CLICK.

And, the best part? Her mother cries and cries because her daughter's health is in jeopardy due to her poor parenting decisions. "I'm at my wit's end. I'm praying she can be helped before it's too late.
"It breaks my heart to see her eating those damned nuggets, " she said. Yeah, well, you better start picking up those pieces, cause guess what bitch? That's your fault. You are the parent. You make the rules. Her poor health is your fault.

I'm a little bit over parents who boo-hoo their shit ass skills as role models and guides. No one is going to raise your kid for you.

And BEYOND that insanity... I'm from Tennessee. No, that's not the big reveal. The big reveal is WHY THE FUCK CAN'T THE LEGISLATORS OF MY STATE PULL THEIR COLLECTIVE HEAD OUT OF THEIR COLLECTIVE ASS? Seriously.

Like Mr. Stacey Campfield, the bigoted zealot who pushes more intolerance than a crack dealer does, well... CRACK! He's the tit-bag behind the "Don't Say Gay Bill" that's creeping its way through the Tennessee legislature. Crazy, right? This guy is like the George Jung of hate, fear-mongering and small penises. This guy is "walk through the glass door because you didn't know it was closed" stupid. Check out the full article HERE but below, a few choice samples from his most recent diatribe on Michelangelo Signorile's show... plus my responses.

 Homosexuality in schools: "[Homosexuals] do not naturally reproduce. It has not been proven that it is nature. It happens in nature, but so does beastiality That does not make it right or something we should be teaching in school."

Right, asshole. Of course bestiality happens in nature... BECAUSE ANIMALS FUCK EACH OTHER! We teach that in biology! Christ... this guys a fucking rocket scientist. Listen, Stacey (can I call you Lady Name for kicks? Ok... Lady Name) Listen, Lady Name, homosexuality is as natural a process as you sitting down to pee or putting your finger in your butt. It happens through MANY species, yet we are the only ones who deem it necessary to criminalize it, rail against it, and punish it. The kind of nonsense that happens between us, the most advanced species on the planet (that we know of, or think we are at least) doesn't happen ANYWHERE ELSE! So, really. Which is more natural? Me loving a dude or you picking up a 2000 year old chunk of dead tree and proclaiming gays an abomination under your god? Hmm?

AIDS: "Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community -- it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.

"My understanding is that it is virtually -- not completely, but virtually -- impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex...very rarely [transmitted]."

OK. I get where you are coming from... You had a bad shared needle experience in college and couldn't handle the two-week wait for your HIV test results, right? It left you scared and insecure... Seriously, you freak? Pick up a fucking book someday, or hell. JUST WATCH A MOVIE, since you probably can't be bother with learning to read and all that... might read something you don't like, you know, like HISTORY.  A breakdown:

AIDS came from monkeys in Africa, yes. But NOT from some gay pilot who flew out, fucked one, this stuck his unsheathed dick in every hole between Germany and Pittsburgh. What we know as AIDS has actually been transmitted for MANY years longer, and probably originated from monkey-to-human blood transfer from a bite or cut. Jeez...

And Lady Name, as far as infection goes, if your wife, girlfriend or local prostitute is as lose as you are narrow-minded, then I'd double bag it, since the rate of increased heterosexual exposure to HIV is higher now than ever. F.Y.I. Someone give this guy the Pat Robertson Crusty Dumbassery Award for Excellence in Service to NO ONE!

Sigh... I should probably stop there, before I burst a blood vessel. The point of today's rant is... KNOW YOUR SHIT! You won't make an ass of yourself on national radio or get fat and die from your poor food choices!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

How Many Eggs Would Jesus Donate?

Easter is a magical holiday. Not ONLY is it the resurrection day of our Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ, but its ALSO the day where a massive, anthropomorphic rabbit breaks into peoples' homes and leaves brightly colored eggs and little chocolate versions of itself (occasionally toys) resting inside a basket filled with shreds of paper and plastic! What a day!

Its such a magical day, that it doesn't even fall on the same day (or even month) the same year in a row! It just hops around, much like its demented mascot... the bunny, not Jesus. Jesus never broke into anyone's home, as far as I know... but hey! There are quite a few years missing from his life, so who knows! For all we know, Jesus was in a biker gang (or camels) and had Holy Mary Mother of Me tattooed on his ass.

But, regardless of whether or not you worship the most famous zombie in history, or if you follow the more secular path of scarfing down chocolate rabbit babies squeezed out by their bunny burglar dad/mom (cause we don't really know what sex the Easter Bunny is), you can't deny that Easter is more than a time of worship, and turkey, and presents and... wait. That sounds suspiciously like several other holidays. Eating tons of food, getting things you didn't earn/deserve, paying homage to millenia old symbols of pagan religions (not to mention stories and events that existed LONG before Christianity)... I digress.

Everyone knows that Easter is all about: poor people. That's right. Poor people, and not just ANY poor people, but poor, black urbanites under the age of 18. And when you are a white Christian, NOTHING gives you more reason for the season than delivering carton fulls of plastic eggs to these youngsters, safe in the knowledge that you are giving them the most valuable thing they'll ever have: the love of Jesus H. Christ. Never mind the fact that most of them have no homes, no family, nothing to their names but the clothes on their backs and the memories of watching mom or dad shoot up on the toilet, then gank all the Funyuns for themselves before passing out in a drug-induced stupor. Never mind that they will most likely grow up with little to no education, emotional support system, or role-models to show them the proper way of being a human being. Never mind that many of them will not survive past 18 because they will either be killed by senseless violence, die from disease due to lack of healthcare, or fall into the same trap their parents fell into that put them here in the first place.

So long as they have Jesus, everything is peaches and candy.

And, if you want to give a carton of Zombie Eggs to assist in brainwashing the huddled masses, by all means. Donate! Donate! Donate! Jesus LOVES donations... only don't give them clothes or food or an education... You have to keep them poor, hungry and stupid if you want to keep control. Because the worse thing that could happen is they could grow up and think for themselves, and that just won't do. Will it?