I am not now, nor have I ever been, a failure. I am many things, but this is not one of them.
HOWEVER... This does not preclude the fact that I, like so many others, fail. Frequently. Sometimes I fail at small things: keeping up with this blog, cooking eggs, walking (that's a big one, as a have a proclivity for clumsiness.) Other times, it is something much grander, like job interviews or an art project or an idea that could change the face of the world as we know it. Whatever the case may be, I am coming to terms with, accepting, embracing the fact that, hey... guess what? Little known fact: I can't do everything, and more importantly, I can't always win.
Phew... That takes a load off. I swear, sometimes just being honest with yourself is more difficult that getting a cat to maintain eye contact with you for more than a few seconds. I am not a failure, but I DO have a bad habit of letting things go, i.e. my genius ideas. I've heard it said that most people have 3 million dollar ideas in a lifetime. I'm convinced I've had that many since I woke up this morning, and simply "failed" to recognize, acknowledge, and/or write them down for later reference.
That all being said, I hereby promise to make no more promises about how often I will update this blog. I further promise to make no promises that this blog will even EXIST in a few months. Seems like everyone and their brother is on the blog train. I mean, if Kim Kar-smash-her-face-in could read, I'm sure she'd blog! Or at the very least, hire someone to blog for her and then deny that she relies on a ghost-writer because her marriage was real and they loved each other but he was gay and abusive and I CAN'T GET MARRIED BUT YOU CAN YOU FUCKING JELLO-ASSED SILICON TIT SACK!
That was uncalled for... and only slightly off topic. I'm sure Kim "Sit on a dick" Kardashian is a perfectly lovely, all-natural, GMO free money machine for whatever crappy television company she works for.
My failure pales in comparison to her failure at life and having a soul. Do all dogs go to heaven? I'm not sure... I'll wait til she's dead then summon her on my Ouija board to ask.
See... I do fail at small things ALL the time, like staying on topic.
Check back, if you want. I'm not making any promises, but maybe something funny will come out of my most recent blogging endeavor. That is all.