Fire, Brimstone and... Please Pass The Nuggets

Everyone knows that fast food is not good for you. I know it. You know it. That fat kid down the street may not know it but his overweight, diabetic mother sure as fuck does. But, does this stop us from eating it? Hell no... I love me a nasty, greasy meal from McDonalds, where I can't even pronounce half the shit that's in whatever the hell it is I'm eating!  That is, until I saw what the McNuggets look like PRE-shaping. If you have not seen this image, I add it for you now...

Yes, I know... It looks like a bubblegum soft-serve intestine, but looks can be deceiving! Its basically a chicken slurry, hundreds of carcasses thrown into a blender and squeezed out like toothpaste. Yeah. It's pretty fucking gross... and THAT, ladies and germs, is what is in a McDonalds chicken product.

So, I ask... why do people still eat this shit? And what's more, why do parents despair so when their children, whom they've feed this garbage for years, end up nearly dead in the hospital from health related issues? Anyone? Anyone?

Take, for instance, this story... A young woman, 17, is admitted to the hospital with breathing complications, and after a series of tests, it is learned she suffers from swollen veins and anemia, caused by... DUN DUN DUN... EATING NOTHING BUT CHICKEN FUCKING NUGGETS FOR NEARLY 15 GOD DAMN YEARS!!! Here's the full story... CLICK.

And, the best part? Her mother cries and cries because her daughter's health is in jeopardy due to her poor parenting decisions. "I'm at my wit's end. I'm praying she can be helped before it's too late.
"It breaks my heart to see her eating those damned nuggets, " she said. Yeah, well, you better start picking up those pieces, cause guess what bitch? That's your fault. You are the parent. You make the rules. Her poor health is your fault.

I'm a little bit over parents who boo-hoo their shit ass skills as role models and guides. No one is going to raise your kid for you.

And BEYOND that insanity... I'm from Tennessee. No, that's not the big reveal. The big reveal is WHY THE FUCK CAN'T THE LEGISLATORS OF MY STATE PULL THEIR COLLECTIVE HEAD OUT OF THEIR COLLECTIVE ASS? Seriously.

Like Mr. Stacey Campfield, the bigoted zealot who pushes more intolerance than a crack dealer does, well... CRACK! He's the tit-bag behind the "Don't Say Gay Bill" that's creeping its way through the Tennessee legislature. Crazy, right? This guy is like the George Jung of hate, fear-mongering and small penises. This guy is "walk through the glass door because you didn't know it was closed" stupid. Check out the full article HERE but below, a few choice samples from his most recent diatribe on Michelangelo Signorile's show... plus my responses.

 Homosexuality in schools: "[Homosexuals] do not naturally reproduce. It has not been proven that it is nature. It happens in nature, but so does beastiality That does not make it right or something we should be teaching in school."

Right, asshole. Of course bestiality happens in nature... BECAUSE ANIMALS FUCK EACH OTHER! We teach that in biology! Christ... this guys a fucking rocket scientist. Listen, Stacey (can I call you Lady Name for kicks? Ok... Lady Name) Listen, Lady Name, homosexuality is as natural a process as you sitting down to pee or putting your finger in your butt. It happens through MANY species, yet we are the only ones who deem it necessary to criminalize it, rail against it, and punish it. The kind of nonsense that happens between us, the most advanced species on the planet (that we know of, or think we are at least) doesn't happen ANYWHERE ELSE! So, really. Which is more natural? Me loving a dude or you picking up a 2000 year old chunk of dead tree and proclaiming gays an abomination under your god? Hmm?

AIDS: "Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community -- it was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.


"My understanding is that it is virtually -- not completely, but virtually -- impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex...very rarely [transmitted]."

OK. I get where you are coming from... You had a bad shared needle experience in college and couldn't handle the two-week wait for your HIV test results, right? It left you scared and insecure... Seriously, you freak? Pick up a fucking book someday, or hell. JUST WATCH A MOVIE, since you probably can't be bother with learning to read and all that... might read something you don't like, you know, like HISTORY.  A breakdown:

AIDS came from monkeys in Africa, yes. But NOT from some gay pilot who flew out, fucked one, this stuck his unsheathed dick in every hole between Germany and Pittsburgh. What we know as AIDS has actually been transmitted for MANY years longer, and probably originated from monkey-to-human blood transfer from a bite or cut. Jeez...

And Lady Name, as far as infection goes, if your wife, girlfriend or local prostitute is as lose as you are narrow-minded, then I'd double bag it, since the rate of increased heterosexual exposure to HIV is higher now than ever. F.Y.I. Someone give this guy the Pat Robertson Crusty Dumbassery Award for Excellence in Service to NO ONE!

Sigh... I should probably stop there, before I burst a blood vessel. The point of today's rant is... KNOW YOUR SHIT! You won't make an ass of yourself on national radio or get fat and die from your poor food choices!

How Many Eggs Would Jesus Donate?

Easter is a magical holiday. Not ONLY is it the resurrection day of our Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ, but its ALSO the day where a massive, anthropomorphic rabbit breaks into peoples' homes and leaves brightly colored eggs and little chocolate versions of itself (occasionally toys) resting inside a basket filled with shreds of paper and plastic! What a day!

Its such a magical day, that it doesn't even fall on the same day (or even month) the same year in a row! It just hops around, much like its demented mascot... the bunny, not Jesus. Jesus never broke into anyone's home, as far as I know... but hey! There are quite a few years missing from his life, so who knows! For all we know, Jesus was in a biker gang (or camels) and had Holy Mary Mother of Me tattooed on his ass.

But, regardless of whether or not you worship the most famous zombie in history, or if you follow the more secular path of scarfing down chocolate rabbit babies squeezed out by their bunny burglar dad/mom (cause we don't really know what sex the Easter Bunny is), you can't deny that Easter is more than a time of worship, and turkey, and presents and... wait. That sounds suspiciously like several other holidays. Eating tons of food, getting things you didn't earn/deserve, paying homage to millenia old symbols of pagan religions (not to mention stories and events that existed LONG before Christianity)... I digress.

Everyone knows that Easter is all about: poor people. That's right. Poor people, and not just ANY poor people, but poor, black urbanites under the age of 18. And when you are a white Christian, NOTHING gives you more reason for the season than delivering carton fulls of plastic eggs to these youngsters, safe in the knowledge that you are giving them the most valuable thing they'll ever have: the love of Jesus H. Christ. Never mind the fact that most of them have no homes, no family, nothing to their names but the clothes on their backs and the memories of watching mom or dad shoot up on the toilet, then gank all the Funyuns for themselves before passing out in a drug-induced stupor. Never mind that they will most likely grow up with little to no education, emotional support system, or role-models to show them the proper way of being a human being. Never mind that many of them will not survive past 18 because they will either be killed by senseless violence, die from disease due to lack of healthcare, or fall into the same trap their parents fell into that put them here in the first place.

So long as they have Jesus, everything is peaches and candy.

And, if you want to give a carton of Zombie Eggs to assist in brainwashing the huddled masses, by all means. Donate! Donate! Donate! Jesus LOVES donations... only don't give them clothes or food or an education... You have to keep them poor, hungry and stupid if you want to keep control. Because the worse thing that could happen is they could grow up and think for themselves, and that just won't do. Will it?

Failure, or something like it

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a failure.  I am many things, but this is not one of them.

HOWEVER... This does not preclude the fact that I, like so many others, fail. Frequently. Sometimes I fail at small things: keeping up with this blog, cooking eggs, walking (that's a big one, as a have a proclivity for clumsiness.) Other times, it is something much grander, like job interviews or an art project or an idea that could change the face of the world as we know it. Whatever the case may be, I am coming to terms with, accepting, embracing the fact that, hey... guess what? Little known fact: I can't do everything, and more importantly, I can't always win.

Phew... That takes a load off. I swear, sometimes just being honest with yourself is more difficult that getting a cat to maintain eye contact with you for more than a few seconds. I am not a failure, but I DO have a bad habit of letting things go, i.e. my genius ideas. I've heard it said that most people have 3 million dollar ideas in a lifetime.  I'm convinced I've had that many since I woke up this morning, and simply "failed" to recognize, acknowledge, and/or write them down for later reference.

That all being said, I hereby promise to make no more promises about how often I will update this blog. I further promise to make no promises that this blog will even EXIST in a few months. Seems like everyone and their brother is on the blog train. I mean, if Kim Kar-smash-her-face-in could read, I'm sure she'd blog! Or at the very least, hire someone to blog for her and then deny that she relies on a ghost-writer because her marriage was real and they loved each other but he was gay and abusive and I CAN'T GET MARRIED BUT YOU CAN YOU FUCKING JELLO-ASSED SILICON TIT SACK!

That was uncalled for... and only slightly off topic. I'm sure Kim "Sit on a dick" Kardashian is a perfectly lovely, all-natural, GMO free money machine for whatever crappy television company she works for.

My failure pales in comparison to her failure at life and having a soul. Do all dogs go to heaven? I'm not sure... I'll wait til she's dead then summon her on my Ouija board to ask.

See... I do fail at small things ALL the time, like staying on topic.

Check back, if you want. I'm not making any promises, but maybe something funny will come out of my most recent blogging endeavor.  That is all.

Don't Misunderstand a Sucker Punch to the Nuts

Sometimes, on occasion, film critics get so stuck in their role of recommending, warning against, building up and tearing down everything to hit the big (and small) screen, they forget what movies are really for: escape. I mean, I'm all for a good drama, or documentary, something gritty, that'll make me reexamine my values and beliefs and look at the dark, seedy part of my soul, but ultimately, movies are there to entertain, to get away from the hum-drum of daily life, to show us how amazing another life an be, another world, another time or place or person or existence.

In that regard, it can be said that critics often overlook or under-rate movies that don't meet their "standards", and one such film, in my opinion, is Sucker Punch, my personal pick for sleeper hit of the decade. Its visceral, its driving and its so gritty and saturated with beauty that if Photoshop decided to make a movie, it would be this. Seriously, its practically the poster child for graphic art school. However, thanks to lack of vision by nearly every critic in America, this film was heralded as a box office blunder, the messy, awkward wet-dream of writer/director Zack Snyder, who brought such lauded works to the screen as the remake of Dawn of the Dead and Watchmen.

Left to Right: Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens, Abbie
Cornish, Jamie Chung, Jena Malone.

The "missing story", as some critics put it, takes place over three different levels of reality.  In the real world,  a young girl is forcibly committed to an asylum by her lecherous step-father following the death of her mother and murder of her sister.  There, she is treated to a lobotomy, which sets in motion the second stage of this movie world: an sub-conscious realm where the girl, called Babydoll, is a new arrival at an upscale brothel.  There, through a series of events, she meets Sweet Pea, the resident bad girl, and Rocket, her younger sister, among others. Having been sold into slavery, it is eventual that Babydoll will take the stage, and her virginity sold to the highest bidder.  What's unexpected is that Babydoll's dancing transports her, and her audience, into a world where she and others are given the tools, skills, and courage to defeat any obstacle standing between them and their freedom.  There, they fight stone Samurai golems, mech robots, and even dragons, in a struggle to locate and use the things that will set them free.

I know what your thinking... some girl dances and fights dragons? Yeah right.  But, the hard reality, that so many critics seem to have missed, is that it just works. The characters are solid, and built from the ground up. Snyder doesn't hide anything from the viewer. What you see is what you get.  Some of the more minor characters may not be given the depth of storytelling some others receive, but Snyder manages to find that subtle balance between sex, action, and story, developing the characters into both unrealistic parodies and sympathetic heroines.  The harsh reality behind the situation these women find themselves in, both in an asylum and as sex slaves, is made less stomach-churning by the flights of fancy where they take matters into their own hands and rise against their captors.

Emily Browning as Babydoll

With incredible action sequences straight out of a graphic novel (only not, as the movie is completely original in concept and design), any lag in plot and direction is remedied by beautifully rendered "other world" sequences where the girls don steampunk-esque attire, fighting off hordes of Nazi zombies, castle invaders and mechanical warriors.  Beyond the engrossing sound design, the movie has a sound track to die for, including covers of Sweet Dreams Are Made of This and Love Is The Drug, both sung by members of the cast, and worked into the story in such a way that you can tell Moulin Rouge was a huge inspiration to Snyder, who said that "In the story, the music is the thing that launches them into these fantasy worlds." It shows, as the orchestrations blend smoothly into each song used to punctuate the scenes. 

If you get a chance, run out and grab the DVD or BluRay copy of this film, particularly the latter, as it contains almost 20 minutes of additional footage that further enhances the story and viewing experience.  While not a perfect movie by any means, Sucker Punch delivers on all levels: Character, story, style and substance.  Its action is super actiony, its drama is super dramatic and its look is something most people would jump at the opportunity to experience in real life. If pretty girls kicking MAJOR ass in highly-stylized worlds of fantasy is your cup of tea, then skip settling for Worlds of Warcraft and grab a copy of this. Against what the critics might want you to think, you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Somewhere Something Changed...

Greetings, oh interested bloggies of mine, my faithful followers and symbiotic souls. Today... oh, today, I revisit two very important times in my life in the Time Machine of Music. I take you back to the years 1994 and 1998, four years apart, but four years full of change. In those four years, I was in Tae Kwon Do, my Papaw died, and I entered High School and lost my virginity... so much can change in such a short period of time. That brings us to the first of the days I will visit in this blog in my next edition of the 30 Day Song Challenge.

DAY 06 - A Song That Reminds You of Someplace
Africa by Toto



This song, strange as it may seem, was almost a theme song for my life in High School... at least years 1-3. My then boyfriend and I used it as a song we shared, I would listen to it outside of the theatre at night while waiting for shows to finish... Toto, for some reason, became a huge part of my repertoire. I chose this song, since it reminds me so much of that certain place in my life, where I was mentally and emotionally, and of how much growing up I still had to do. Ahhh... the days when music was good and days were simple.

For further listening...

Brass Monkey by The Beastie Boys



This reminds me of being in my friend's Rachel and Jessica's basement. I miss High School. Lol

I'll Fly With You by Gigi D'Agostonio



This song... reminds me of being in my car, in the freezing cold, windows rolled down, smoking a cigarette, on my way to the club with my best friend Jessica. I miss 18... and ignore the angsty, homemade music video.

DAY 07 - A SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF A CERTAIN EVENT
As I Lay Me Down by Sophie B. Hawkins (Whaler)



I really wish I could have added the real video for this song, but, alas, it is not available on YouTube in the US. So, this will have to do, because, ultimately, the song is more important.

I first heard this song while I was visiting my Grandparents house. I was watching VH1, something I never did at home because my father always hogged the television... don't get me started on that. ANYWAYS, I was watching VH1 on their old, faux-wood paneled tube set, and this song came on. I immediately knew I loved it, and, with a gift certificate I received from a fellow Tae Kwon Do buddy for my birthday, I had my mother drive me to Sam Goody's, where I purchased my first CD... technically the second, since the year prior I got my first CD from my cousin Larry, a remix album of Mortal Kombat tracks. Love it.

So this song reminds me of being ushered into a new era, where you didn't have to fast forward the tape to hear the next song. It was a beautiful thing.

I'm afraid this post is already long enough, so I shan't bore you with more stories of days past, so I leave you now, on a note not high, but also not too low.

Sad and Missed...

Days Four and Five of the 30 Day Song Challenge on Facebook were truly a challenge for me. Both made me think of parts of my life that were less than savory and people in my life that I love dearly and miss terribly. Its only appropriate that I place these two topics together, not so I can get them out of the way, but so they can be cyclical in their energies... or some shit.

DAY 04 - A SONG THAT MAKES YOU SAD
Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan



At some point, I think everyone and their brother/sister/cousin/parakeet/diary has listened to a Sarah McLachlan song. Few artists can express the breadth of pain and anguish and soul-wrenching sadness that we as humans can experience as Sarah. For years, she pulled me through breakups and deaths and taunts from peers. The late 90s just wouldn't have been the same without her there to help us mire through the sadness.

Of course, now that I'm more versed in music, I have a wide array of artists and songs that I run to for support in a world that tends to twist me up inside. Here are two of my recent additions to the I Want The World To Stop Mix.

Snow from the Noir OST
No one ever said sad songs had to have lyrics...



When You Were Young by The Killers
And no one said it had to be a slow song...



Missile by IAMX
And the video for this just tears me the fuck up!



Moving on...

So many songs, so little time. I have a song for all of my friends, something that specifically embodies the very spirit of our relationship. Some of these songs are good, some are bad, as are the people I relate them to. But if one thing is certain, this challenge needed a positive, uplifting note, and didn't need to dwell on the negativity surrounding some of my past... friendships. That's why, for this challenge, I chose...

DAY 05 - A SONG THAT MAKES YOU THINK OF SOMEONE
Come What May by Ewan McGreggor and Nicole Kidman (from Moulin Rouge)



My best friend Jessica was a huge part of the shaping of my being. If I had never met her, I'm sure my life would have turned out completely different. She is my friend, my rock, at one point a (ridiculous) bitter enemy, but through all our trials and tribulations, we succeeded in building and maintaining a friendship that few people ever get the chance to experience.

While we were in high school, Moulin Rouge came out and we jumped on that like two baboons fighting over a banana. We memorized the lines, learned the lyrics and eventually performed the shit out of it every time we came within spitting distance of each other... which was basically every day. So this song goes out to her, for helping me become the person I am today, the artist, the friend.

Some of my other choice (or less than choice) selections are...

Am I The One by Beth Hart
Reminds me of The Lady Geneva... miss you.



I Turn To You by Melanie C.
Reminds me of Wendi... I don't miss you.



What songs make you sad, dear reader? Or make you think of that special someone in your life? Do tell!

Hate and Happy

I love almost all music, and if I don't particularly care for a specific genre, then I can usually find something that appeals to my sensibilities. I have lumped two days into one with this post, as I can't allow my hate song to overshadow an entire blog and turn it into a stinky pile of hate poo.

For day number two of the 30 Day Song Challenge, I was tasked to find a song that I hate, and boy... that was easy. I don't care for the rap genre, or hip/hop. I do have a few songs that I enjoy, but they are few and far between, and are generally just covers or reworkings. So, with that in mind, here is my LEAST favorite song, not only because its just plain awful, but because it embodies so much of what I think is wrong with the music industry.

DAY 02 - A SONG I HATE
Hot in Here by Nelly



Excuse me... I have to go scour my ear drums with a Brillo pad.

AND back. My ears stopped bleeding about half an hour ago, but I had to clean up the floor. I was scouring and I slipped and fell. ANYWHO, onto happier subjects.

Day number three was all about a song that makes you happy. This couldn't have been an easier day. Of course, the hardest part was narrowing it down to only ONE song, but seeing as how this is MY blog, I'll post a few extras. But first, the song I chose was...

DAY 03 - A SONG THAT MAKES ME HAPPY
Fireflies by Owl City



Few things make me happier, calmer, more satisfied than all things whimsical. Owl City, one of the great synth-pop artists of the past 5 years, including, but not limited to La Roux, Little Boots, and Lights(notice how many of them start with "L"?) Everything about their music drips saccharin-sweet goodness and light, and it puts me into a smiley, elated place, as opposed to the dark, sinister reality from which I hail. :) It makes me think of dresses made from moss, sleeping under the bright moonlight in a forest surrounded by fairy dust and... and... I'M GOING TO EXPLODE WITH CUTENESS!!!

Below are a few of the other songs that make me happy. What songs make you happy and put you into a good place? Comment below and tell me about it!

Xanadu by Oliva Newton-John and ELO
This is pretty self-explanatory. Xanadu is the best, worst musical-movie ever made, and nothing beats its over-the-top, roller-disco style... or ONJ's amazing 80s fashion choices.



Super Trouper by ABBA
Its ABBA. At a circus. With sweaters... turtle neck sweaters. What more need be said?



Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn
A new favorite happy song. I've kinda fallen in love with Robyn lately. There's just something simple and enjoyable about her music, and most of it is completely drag-ready!